Thoughts on GG Allin by Jim Danger {written 8/2&3/15 and 12/12&13/15}
GG Allin was like a scientific
experiment in real life. What if there was a guy who absolutely
refused to observe rules, laws, of any kind; who insisted on “going
too far”, every time out?
He freely admitted that he couldn't help himself, couldn't hold back,
couldn't stay within any “reasonable” guidelines, even when his
own band depended on his ability to “not go too far.”
I think that a
lot of the fascination with GG Allin is based on the fact of his
being a spectacle – the guy in the experiment, the singular “what
if” specimen, who is probably the only case we're going to see, of
a person acknowledging NO bounds.
Is
GG Allin to be a hero because
of his refusal – his inability – to obey any rules?
This
question itself contains questions. He clearly could, at
times, obey rules. When on
television talk shows, for example, he would usually guard his
language, carefully avoiding a lot of offensive words that must have
come to mind at such times. “You're following a false Bible,” he
declared on the Jane Whitney show in New York, a day or two before
his death, “I wipe my a-
[pause] – butt with
it!” This always interested me, the quick-change choice of words,
there, carefully altered the fit the TV audience. He could
control himself, at times. He
also declared on a TV show that he would rather be naked, “if
they'd let me.” He had to follow certain guidelines, or not be on
TV. He was not “totally out of control.”
The
main question at hand here is: Is GG Allin is to be admired,
considered a hero, for
the way he lived? Certainly, some do revere him for his
pedal-to-the-metal, headlong dive into destruction. Why is that? I
still think it's the spectacle factor, and the vicarious
participation in his ardent “fuck you” to any and all
rules, that is the key to his
appeal. He puts on the best show, in
the estimation of his select, particular fans. It's also the fact
that he is apparently not putting
on a show, in the show-biz, commercial sense, but that he is
soul-level serious about
his “mission” to destroy all rules, all fashion, in rock'n'roll
music – and in his life. Nothing will
be denied him, and he can and will do anything he
wants, and nobody will
tell him otherwise – and he will never stop
this rebellion. Certainly seems like an appealing life, to some, and
fans cheer him on in that endeavor – even years after his
ignominious death.
One
of the most outstanding traits that GG Allin possessed was his
ability to turn a negative into a positive, by a magical twist in
perception – his own perception, and in many cases, that of those
around him, as well. If an obstacle or unfortunate circumstance
arose, and was unavoidable, instead of complaining about it or
fighting it, GG would find a way to make it work for him. His whole
life, it seems, was an ongoing cycle of unfortunate circumstances,
which GG did his best to turn into positives., to use – somehow –
as steppingstones. He refused to be beaten – this one thing can
truly be said of him. Even if he was beaten,
his way of viewing it would never allow for that, and those who
idolize him will take his view. GG was never beaten,
never took no for an
answer, never took
shit from anyone, but lived “his way” every second of his life.
So goes the deifying legend.
GG could not
have been any different from the way GG was. This is true of you and
me, as well. We do stuff we do 'cause that's what we do. It's largely
based in both genetics and environment, with personal variables
thrown in for spontaneity's sake. {“Personal variables” - eg.,
twins brought up in the same environment, may have sharply varied
personalities, tastes, perspectives, etc..} You can't help being who
you are, and attempts to alter ourselves from our natural
inclinations can only lead to confusion – for there's only one of
us, and we're it.
GG
was unusual. This is what makes him fascinating, to many. You don't
see many cases of a person like this. In fact, most of us can't think
of any other case like
this. The things that he was driven to do were somewhat unusual, but
the fact that he was a rock'n'rolling lunatic
along these lines, the fact that he delighted in and succeeded in
exhibiting his unusual behavior onstage, with an audience,
while a band accompanied him, was
just too remarkable to not pay some attention to. Again, it's the
spectacle of GG Allin,
and people's fascination with that mind-boggling oddity, the very
edgy freak show, that
continues to gain GG Allin the attention of many people, the world
over.
I'm just going
to jump to my conclusion here, and continue to elaborate on it
afterwards: GG was a sick, twisted, out-of-control sociopath, most
destructive to himself but savagely destructive to others as well,
were they unfortunate enough or foolish enough to be in his presence.
He was – during the majority of his adulthood – an extreme drunk,
a coke-head, a speed freak and a junkie, whose drug and alcohol
consumption led to extremes in behavior, as it does for even the most
garden-variety drunk & drug addict. He was wildly maladjusted,
psychologically and emotionally. Causes of such maladjustments are
not hard to find, given what was apparently his upbringing.
GG,
within his own limitations, tried to conform, but could
not. He has said something about
“no matter what I did”, he just “did not fit in”. He was
driven to be an
outcast, at least in his own perception, by the majority, who indeed
were not like him in most regards; so, again, given his savage
upbringing. GG couldn't help being
GG. In his real attempts to “get along”, he even agreed to see a
psychiatrist, during his marriage, when he was in his mid-20s. The
doctor he saw may well have been a simpleton, but in any case, GG was
simply angered by the “shrink”, and went away all the more
determined to go his own way, no matter what anyone else thought.
Again, had he a choice? No; yet he knew how to take a negative and
turn it into what he could call a positive. He decided to celebrate
being GG Allin, Out Of Control,
Unmanageable & Ever-Outcast, to be proud of
this status, as though he had chosen it out of sheer
courage! I dare say that many of
his fans believe this of him; they believe that he could have
conformed like anyone else, but that he refused, out
of sheer, willful courage, to
do so. This will be part of his myth.
When
I first met GG Allin in March of 1980, he and the Jabbers {his first
well-known band} had just played a couple of sets in the bar of the
hotel in which GG & the band were staying. They had played the
previous night, as well. At least one of the rooms they occupied, the
one in which everyone was hanging around between and now after the
band's sets, was covered in crude graffiti and drawings all over the
walls – the work of the band, and of some of the small crowd
hanging around with them. One young woman with some serious artistic
talent, had drawn a life-sized nude woman on one wall, but other than
that, it was all quite crude and rude, and very pervasive. The room
was effectively trashed. This was all good fun, as long as they
didn't get caught at it, before
checking out of the hotel, the following morning. There was no
alcohol, no drugs in the room, nor in GG or the Jabbers' system. My
friend, who drove me there that night, had some acid, and he and I
were doing that, but GG & the Jabbers were always straight when
they played, and nobody had any bad habit at this point in time, nor
any money. So, this was “pure GG”, un-drugged, sober, young and
not yet well-known.
Suddenly, we were informed that the manager
of the venue and the hotel was on his way – in fact, now coming up
the hallway, and about to arrive. There was a panicked moment of
scurrying around, everyone's eyes got big, in an “Oh, no!”
terror. Nobody had expected that any “authority figure” would see
the trashed room until after the perpetrators had left – yet here
he was, The Man who ran the place. Believe me, GG was as seized with
instant fear as anyone else. He didn't want to get caught or have to
be in a confrontational situation any more than did anyone else.
Though it may be hard for some people to believe, GG Allin by natural
temperament did not enjoy confrontation, personally. If he
were hiding behind some sort of facade, or drugged-out fog, sure –
if it was rather unavoidable, he'd do confrontation, and even brag
about it later. However, it was not his thing, at all. He wouldn't
tell anyone anything they didn't want to hear, as a rule. If someone
tried out for his band, and he knew immediately that he didn't want
them, he would simply say, “Okay, we'll be giving you a call,” or
something to that effect, just so he wouldn't have to be direct.
So, here came
the manager, and it was clearly not what GG wanted, but it was an
unavoidable situation. I was standing right next to him, and I saw an
instant change occur in GG, as soon as he popped his head out the
door and saw the manager headed our way. GG stepped back into the
room for just a second, took a breath, and then stepped back into the
hallway, to greet the manager. “Heyyyy,” he enthused, “How ya
doing!” He put his arm around him, slapping him jovially on the
back, and led him into the room as though showing him into his
presidential palace, with a wide grin.
“What is
this?” was the inevitable reaction from the manager,
“Graffiti on the walls?!” He spoke in a heavy British
accent, being a 40-yr.-old hippie type from England. He looked around
in some horror, taking in the scene.
“Sure,” GG
told him, “From now on, you can charge double for this room,
'cause we'll be famous! Everybody's gonna wanna stay here!”
He was selling it already.
“I don't
know....” the man responded, looking now at me, trying to gauge
whether to fall for this or not. I just looked back at him evenly,
quite amazed myself at the unfolding scene.
Soon, the
manager {I wish I remembered his name, but don't} just let it go, and
sat down, pulled out an ounce of weed, and started rolling joints.
From there, the party really got started.
My point is
this: GG Allin was a master at making the best of a bad situation.
When something was going on that he would rather not deal with, he
refused to let it get him down. Instead, he would act as though this
was what he had chosen, himself. He wasn't going to belly-ache about
anything, even if it was something he personally wished wasn't there.
GG had a
terrible problem with alcohol, cocaine and heroin. It certainly and
obviously affected his behavior, and effectively ruined his life. He
also had the worst case of self-destructiveness that most of us have
ever seen or heard about. These were not attributes – they were
problems. They were his “demons” - not his qualities; not
his gifts. They were what destroyed him, ruined his relationships,
and made a shambles of his life. It was not his way to bemoan these
facts; it was his way to act as though he didn't care, and to even
celebrate those very things which destroyed him. He would never let
anyone see a sign of weakness in himself – even when that weakness
may have been a huge, gaping chasm.
When I spoke
with GG the last time on the telephone, September of 1992, he had
recently gotten out of jail {again}, and was telling me that his most
recent concerts had been sheer chaos, “as bad as” they had been a
few years earlier. He said this was because he had been
drinking two fifths of whiskey a day, and shooting cocaine as well.
{He didn't mention heroin.} He was telling me that he had been out of
control, to a degree that he did not enjoy or want to go back
to. He heaved a big, heavy, extremely weary sigh, that actually said
more than his words could. He was not enjoying how fucked up he was.
I say all
that, to say this: GG Allin was not a person to emulate or even
celebrate, regarding how messed up he was. He was – to those very
few who truly cared about this person – a sad, pathetic figure.
He wasn't the way he was because that's how he wanted to be;
he was the way he was because he couldn't help being the way
he was, and he made the best of what he was stuck with. If you
don't get completely screwed up on drugs and self-destructive
behavior, you would be someone that GG Allin would basically admire.
He didn't do what he did because he thought that was the desirable
thing to do. He did it because for him, it was absolutely
unavoidable. He did say more than once, that what he did was not what
he would recommend for anyone else. He is not someone to be envied,
idolized or admired. Those who really loved him see his life as a
very sad tragedy.
